RELATIONSHIPS

Side By Side Desks: Working Within Inches of Your Honey

3/22/2006

“Pass me the printer cord,” Daniela says. This is a daily aggravation. My wife works at the desk to my right less than a meter away. We have side-by-side identical desks.



“Pass me the printer cord,” Daniela says. This is a daily aggravation. My wife works at the desk to my right less than a meter away. We have side-by-side identical desks. All that separates us is a pedestal where our shared printer, a trusty three–in-one network-deficient Lexmark sits. I let out a groan as I unplug the cord from the back of my laptop and swing it around into Daniela’s expectant hand.

We swap that USB cable more often than we swap spit. I’m a writer. She’s an academic. Between the two of us we burn through a forest of paper each week.

“BRRRRIIINGG….BRRRING”
Are you going to get that? The phone handset is on her desk.
“Nope it’s for me,” Daniela replies and continues typing away.
“So aren’t you going to answer it?”
“Nope, it’s Natalie I don’t feel like talking to her.”

I have my own quirks that can be pretty damn annoying, especially when I spontaneously break into song.

“Well I guess it would it be nice if I could touch your body, I know not everybody has a body like you…”
“Shut up! One, you can’t sing. Two, I’m trying to work.
“Sorry babe, I just need to get into my groove. Last verse I promise: But I've got to think twice, before I give my heart away, and I know all the games you play, because I play them too.”

Yeah we’ve got issues, but the fringe benefits far outweigh the minor headaches our daily office drama causes. Sure, sometimes we can drive each other batty but the arrangement has made us realize how close we really are. When I’m feeling low and want to reach out and touch someone Daniela’s only a swivel away and we can have office sex without the risk of being discovered by some gossip-starved water cooler gang—that is of course if we remember to close our blinds.

Whenever friends come to our apartment for the first time and they’re checking out the set-up, our home office is always the highlight. Reactions seem to follow a gender line: women tend to think our matching desks look really cute together while guys have been known to laugh at first peep. Grey cubicle fences may facilitate maximum efficiency but I’m a worker bee who does his best job within stinging distance of his queen.

An abbreviated version of this story ran in 2 Magazine

Copyright © Mike Dojc, 2006

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