RELATIONSHIPS

Wanton Words-Saucy Talk To Fan the Flames of Desire

7/19/2006

I’M GOING TO LET YOU IN ON A WELL-GUARDED SECRET: MEN LIKE WOMEN WHO TALK A LOT— in bed that is. Now don’t get the wrong idea here.



I’M GOING TO LET YOU IN ON A WELL-GUARDED SECRET: MEN LIKE WOMEN WHO TALK A LOT—

in bed that is. Now don’t get the wrong idea here. When we’re feeling hot and heavy we don’t want to hear about your day, discuss “our future” or gossip about the new hoochie at work (though we may be open to that later, provided you’ve got pictures). What we do want to hear about is the sensual power of our touch, your growing lust and everything we can do to get you closer to reaching ecstasy.

Still feeling painfully squeamish about adding a little wordplay to your sexual repertoire? Before dismissing the idea entirely, remember that like olives, dirty talk is an acquired taste. “I would recommend that a woman take the attitude that ‘this is something I’ve never experienced before so I don’t know if I like it,’” says Frank Sommers, a Toronto-based, licensed sex therapist. “The potential to [talk dirty] is in everybody and it’s all in the service of a more playful and fulfilling love life.”

WHY IT WORKS

Sex is a total sensory experience, so sex without sound is like watching a movie on mute. Silence can be golden, and non-verbal sounds are cool, too; but for a lot of guys, dirty dialogue is what takes sex up to 11 on a scale of one to 10.

It’s a common misconception that what men crave is gutter language straight form the pages of Hustler. In fact, preferences for dirty talk run the gamut from carnal Shakespeare to Adam Sandler-esque baby talk. “It’s the kindling mechanism that is key here. It activates the brain circuits and the brain is the most important sex organ,” explains Sommers. “People are always searching for this chemical or that chemical, bull testicles or Spanish fly and all this garbage, but the only aphrodisiac that works, guaranteed, is your partner’s arousal.”

PRACTICE

If you’re willing and ready to purr but not sure how to go about it, there are plenty of outlets for beginners, from self-help books to porn movies. But be careful what kind of video you download or pull off the rack. “Most porn is aimed at male consumption, it tends to objectify women and makes sex into a performance and the people are unrealistic,” cautions Sommers, who prefers educational films on the subject or, if you do go the video route, porn directed by a female. Erotica is also an excellent learning aid and mainline bookstores have been warming up to the sexy genre giving it increasing shelf space.

This Story first ran in Pursuit Magazine. I'm going to post part 2 of it in a couple days


Copyright © Mike Dojc, 2006

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